This story was first posted 8/16/2011.
You’ve heard of “Bad Boys”, right? You’ve probably even met some. Ah, you’ve dated one? Then you’ve got some scars in your heart to remember him by, don’t you. You say you were his girlfriend? No, sweetie, bad boys don’t have girlfriends; they have women, lots of women. Because women, all women, can spot a bad boy a mile away, and whatever hormone fragrance she puts out when she sees one is picked up by him immediately, and bam – she’s a target.
There he is – the bad boy – standing on the other side of the room. He may be wearing a black leather jacket or not. Even if he’s not, and say you’re a beautiful, smart and enchanting female who can have her pick of any guy in the room, you want him. And only him. And suddenly you’re not thinking about relationships or marriage or kids or contentment or happiness. In fact, you’re not thinking at all; you’re operating from something other than your human mind or human heart. You are operating from what psychologists call the Reptilian Brain, that lower part of our brain where our basic instincts dwell.
It is your basic instinct that is telling you that you want him and that you have to have him, and damned be the consequences. So why does your Reptilian Brian tell you to go get him? Because he has what you, a woman, wants and needs – intense masculine energy and great masculine genes. In order to keep the species going, it takes good masculine and good feminine genes. You’re saying, “Oh, OMG, this whole attraction thing is evolutionary?” Yep. In the animal world, the males have to compete with each other for the females. And bad boys, while they’re completely inept at being emotionally mature and responsible, definitely step up to this plate. Bad boy’s good masculine genes trigger your good feminine genes, and we all know where this going…
But, you say, what about those psychologists who tell us that being abused when we were children is the reason that bad boys are bad and that some girls are attracted to them? In terms of bad boys who are actually abusive and women who are drawn to being abused, yes, there is more than something to that. However, I’m talking about the essence of “Bad Boy” here; not psychopathic nor criminal behavior. I am talking about the energy and the essence of bad boys, including the energy and essence of all the bad boys out there who are not criminals nor have ever physically or verbally abused a woman.
This energy and essence is in his genes and he’s hooked into it. He’s got it. You may not consciously know what it is, but you know that he has it. It comes across in the way he dresses, the way he moves, the way he talks, the way he looks at you. He’s confident, he’s independent, and he lives by his own rules. Most of all, he manifests that intense masculine energy, and it doesn’t show up simply in how he presents himself to the world; it is seeping out of his pores. And, in order to keep the species going, your Reptilian Brain tells you that you absolutely must mate with this alpha gorilla.
So, you do. And then what happens? Do your human mind and heart finally kick in, telling you that you’re so totally in love with him and that you can’t live without him that you need to embark on the project of changing him into a loving and caring husband and father? Some projects in life can be completed. This one can’t be. You can’t change him. You can’t turn him from an alpha stud preying on women into the Prince Charming you’ve always dreamed about. Prince Charming he most definitely is not.
Sounds trite, but it’s true – only he can change himself. But won’t your love change him into a caring, emotionally open guy who will pledge his undying love to you and take great care of your mutual children? Nope. Because your love ain’t getting through to him, sweetie. He’s walled in, and his emotions are not coming out to play.
Can he change? Sure. But he’s the one who has to feel the need to change, and do all the work to change, and it’s probably going to come, with time and age, from the pain he feels from being emotionally isolated.
So, what do you do? Well, you can stay and get your heart broken, or – here comes the hard part – you leave. He’s going to dump you anyway, and doesn’t it give you some power over him to end it by your own initiative? Go home and cry, rant and rave to your girlfriends, get some therapy, start a charity, write a book, write ten songs about Bad Boys, watch all the James Dean and Marlon Brando movies you want. Just get him out of your system, chalk it all up to evolutionary influences, be happy that you’ve got feminine genes that can get triggered, and then remember your dream that you’ve had since you were a little girl about finding your perfect guy. He’s out there and he’s waiting for you. – Susannah
This is an opening scene from The Wild One – from “tristansladyhawk.”
A Stanley Kramer Company Production/Columbia Pictures
The Essence of Bad Boys © 2011 Copyright – Susannah
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